Journaling to clear your mind, remember your loved one

The mind really can be like a steel trap. Our thoughts and feelings swirl around inside our heads
without an outlet, causing a buildup of pressure and grief—especially in a situation as devastating as the loss of a loved one.

But there is a relief valve: putting your thoughts on paper.

Journaling is a form of self-expression that comes with no rules, boundaries or expectations that
anyone else will ever read what you write. But by getting those thoughts out of your head and onto
paper, you open your mind to valuable insight and healing.

How journaling has helped me
When my daughter, Isabelle, passed away in 2007, I had gallons of guilt stored up inside of me. I shouldn’t have brought her to daycare that day. I shouldn’t have put her in that outfit. I should have told her I loved her one more time…

I let the guilt simmer up there for a day or two before I opened my notebook cranked that valve wide
open and let my feelings spill onto the blank pages. In the beginning, there were only words:
“devastated,” “shattered,” “depressed,” and frequently the question, “Why?” But then came the
sentences: “I feel like there’s an empty void inside me that will never be filled…” And eventually there were paragraphs.

As I scribbled on the pages, not caring about the legibility of my writing, I felt the pressure ease out of my head and felt the constrains loosen around my chest. I allowed myself the time I needed to feel
sad or angry or lost without apologizing for those feelings. Instead, I encouraged them. Armed with
my pen and paper, I had a newfound weapon to help me stand up against the loneliness of grief.

Time has passed, seven-and-a-half years, and the sharp edges of loss have softened a bit for me, but I
continue to write in a journal. Sometimes I incorporate photos or drawings into the pages when words
are hard to find. My entries have changed as my journey has changed, but the benefits remain the
same.

Here are some ideas to help you keep your loved one's memory alive:
1. Write one word for the most prevalent emotion you feel right now, then write a brief
paragraph describing the details of that emotion to someone who has never experienced it before.

2. Heaven’s Mailbox: Write a letter addressed to your loved one. You can write about your
day, share a favorite memory about him or her, or tell about the things you miss most.

3. Letter Poem: Write letters of their name vertically on your journal page, then write a word or sentence using that first letter.

4. Timed Writing: Set a timer for eight minutes and write continuously about the day you would plan for you and your loved one if he/she was still here.

5. Treasured Moment: Recall a treasured moment. Draw lines to divide your paper into five sections labeled “Hear,” “See,” “Smell,” “Taste,” and “Feel.” Close your eyes and focus on one sense at a time. When you’re ready, write down words and sentences related to that sense.

Whether you’ve just experienced your loss or you’re 10, 15, 20 or more years out, journaling can act as the relief valve to help release some of the burden that often weighs to heavily on our minds as we continue to move along in our journeys.

~Wishing you strength for your journey,
Amy